Thoughts Inspired by That Bowl of Halloween Candy

I’ll just have one mini candy bar.

I’ll just take a thin slice of cake.

I’ll only have a small scoop of ice cream.

I’ll just even out these brownies a bit.

These sorts of thoughts used to be really common for me, especially this time of year.  This is the lie I told myself: I’ll stop at this little bit.

And then I wouldn’t stop at one.  I’d take another thin slice, and then another.  I’d go back for another scoop, or just start eating straight out of the ice cream carton.  I’d “even out” the brownies until half of them were gone.

And I thought the problem was that I kept eating.  I thought the problem was that I didn’t have control.

But the real problem was that I wasn’t being honest with myself.  The problem was that I wasn’t really checking in with how much of that food would be truly satisfying. 

“What if the right amount is half a cake?” I heard coach Justine ask once.  Long term, being honest and enjoying half a cake is better than lying to ourselves and eating the entire cake, one bit at a time because eff-it, we’d broken the rule anyway.  THAT path leads to more cake, yes, but worse, it erodes our self-trust.  It reinforces the belief we can’t give ourselves boundaries or trust ourselves with our favorite foods.  It convinces us that we aren’t in control, that we need external controls to reign ourselves in, and it takes us further away from our true selves.

And so now, before I reach for a favorite food, I ask myself how much do I need to truly, honestly feel satisfied?  How much will feel really good? I’m honest with myself and kind and compassionate about the true response.

For me, it isn’t half a cake, but it’s usually not a sliver, either.  And over time, it is becoming less as I’ve learned to trust myself and listen to all of my needs, including the parts of me that enjoys these foods for pleasure, novelty, joy, connection, comfort.

So, how much will satisfy you, honestly?