The internet rewards extremism. Voices on either end of a spectrum get shared, celebrated, reviled and passed around. Those of us who want to dwell in the sticky, central areas of thought, exploring the nuances of difficult realities, rarely get the same level of attention.
However, I believe firmly that there IS a middle ground between being anti-diet and finding a healthy path forward towards physique change, if you choose to do it. I define diets as an arbitrary set of rules that govern our eating–it is an external tool that tells us when, what, or how much we can eat. When we change what we eat from these external places, we disconnect from ourselves further, promote food obsessions and over-emphasize the results over the process.
An anti-diet approach to improving our habits helps us to connect, or reconnect, with ourselves and determine what feels best for us. This can be done with mindfulness, like the work I’ve been doing learning to respond more consistently to my internal cues. When we use these internal tools and we make decisions from that place, we are empowering ourselves and can focus on feeling good right now, not just some moment in the future.
Whenever we decide to listen to and respond honestly to what we need, even when it is more than “we should,” or at a different time than “we should,” or including foods “we shouldn’t” eat, we are pushing back against our old diet rules and doing the hard work of diet deprogramming. Moreover, this approach requires us to address our own fatphobia and learned anti-fat biases. What if the right amount of food for us is more than will lead to a calorie deficit? It is in these moments that we must decide to follow our true values, and not the learned values of diet culture.
For many of us, this work extends beyond food. How many people have you watched get into exercise, push too hard too fast and then burn out, never to return, or only to return again months or years later with the same approach. A sustainable approach for that person may be doing a walk on the weekend and ten minutes of bodyweight work a couple times a week before they start their day. But they won’t find this solution by following an external tool, like a professional program or something they read in a magazine. But if they can learn to listen to their body, to respect where they are at right now, they may learn through trial and error that this is enough to begin. It builds the habit and builds skills, and they may be able to do more later.
Would you still do it if it didn’t lead to weight loss? Would you still do it if it didn’t result in bigger muscles? These questions can help us to discern if we are honestly listening to ourselves, our abilities, and our needs. It helps us build habits that are sustainable. I would still listen to my body at mealtimes and stop eating when satisfied but not full even if I never changed size again because I feel better afterward–literally feel better in my body. I don’t mean feeling less guilty or ashamed. I would still lift weights if I never gained another pound of muscle because I like feeling fit, strong, and capable. I also know that these habits lead to better long term health outcomes and improve my chances of surviving potential future health crises. But by focusing on how I feel during the process, I enjoy the immediate rewards of my actions, which helps me to keep with it on days that I feel less excited to follow through on my commitments.
Honestly, the more I’ve learned to listen to myself, to really notice when I’m content and when I’ve pushed too far, the more this skill has impacted my entire life. It’s helped me set more boundaries with work. It helps me prioritize my sleep. It changes which tasks I volunteer to take on at home, which I delegate to my partner, and which I ask that we hire out. Even my PTSD has become easier to manage because I notice when I’m struggling sooner, and I take quicker action to take care of myself.
When we feel discontented with our lives, our bodies, our fitness, the internet gives us two big solutions–to buckle down and go hard or to let go of all outcome goals entirely. The middle ground that is so rarely celebrated is to practice listening to ourselves, to focus on the process and to find what truly works for us sustainably in the long term.
Progressive Strength 